As I write this, I’m sitting in the makeup aisle of our local Target store. A friend recently texted me from a different makeup aisle and told me it felt like one of the most oppressive places in the world. I wanted to find out what he meant. And now that I’m sitting here, I’m beginning to agree with him. Words have power, and the words on display in this aisle have a deep power. Words and phrases like:
Affordably gorgeous,
Infallible,
Flawless finish,
Brilliant strength,
Liquid power,
Go nude,
Age defying,
Instant age rewind,
Choose your dream,
Nearly naked, and
Natural beauty.
When you have a daughter you start to realize she’s just as strong as everyone else in the house—a force to be reckoned with, a soul on fire with the same life and gifts and passions as any man. But sitting in this store aisle, you also begin to realize most people won’t see her that way. They’ll see her as a pretty face and a body to enjoy. And they’ll tell her she has to look a certain way to have any worth or influence.
But words do have power and maybe, just maybe, the words of a father can begin to compete with the words of the world. Maybe a father’s words can deliver his daughter through this gauntlet of institutionalized shame and into a deep, unshakeable sense of her own worthiness and beauty.
A father’s words aren’t different words, but they are words with a radically different meaning:
Brilliant strength. May your strength be not in your fingernails but in your heart. May you discern in your center who you are, and then may you fearfully but tenaciously live it out in the world.
Choose your dream. But not from a department store shelf. Find the still-quiet place within you. A real dream has been planted there. Discover what you want to do in the world. And when you have chosen, may you faithfully pursue it, with integrity and with hope.
Naked. The world wants you to take your clothes off. Please keep them on. But take your gloves off. Pull no punches. Say what is in your heart. Be vulnerable. Embrace risk. Love a world that barely knows what it means to love itself. Do so nakedly. Openly. With abandon.
Infallible. May you be constantly, infallibly aware that infallibility doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion created by people interested in your wallet. If you choose to seek perfection, may it be in an infallible grace—for yourself, and for everyone around you.
Age defying. Your skin will wrinkle and your youth will fade, but your soul is ageless. It will always know how to play and how to enjoy and how to revel in this one-chance life. May you always defiantly resist the aging of your spirit.
Flawless finish. Your finish has nothing to do with how your face looks today and everything to do with how your life looks on your last day. May your years be a preparation for that day. May you be aged by grace, may you grow in wisdom, and may your love become big enough to embrace all people. May your flawless finish be a peaceful embrace of the end and the unknown that follows, and may it thus be a gift to everyone who cherishes you.
Little One, you love everything pink and frilly and I will surely understand if someday makeup is important to you. But I pray three words will remain more important to you—the last three words you say every night, when I ask the question: “Where are you the most beautiful?” Three words so bright no concealer can cover them.
Where are you the most beautiful?
On the inside.
From my heart to yours,
Daddy
Like the last letter I wrote to my daughter, I wrote this first for her and the day I’ll eventually read it to her. But I also wrote it for every woman who needs to hear the words of a father. Women, no one else can define your beauty for you. But they’ll try.
My daughter is four years-old now. If her awakening to the makeup aisle comes at the typical age, I figure we have about five years to radically alter the arc of history and the subjugation-by-image of the female gender. We’ve got a lot of work to do. And it begins in the heart of each and every woman.
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Kelly is a licensed clinical psychologist, practicing at Alliance Clinical Associates in Wheaton, IL. He is also a writer and blogs regularly about the redemption of our personal, relational, and communal lives. Kelly is married, has three children, and enjoys learning from them how to be a kid again. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.
As we were getting ready to celebrate my son’s 23rd Birthday…
We did the 10-year “infertility roller-coaster” years ago to have him…
I had him when I was 41…
He’s the light of our lives…
And our gift from God!
There was a point where we came to the same moment you and your husband came to…
We were only going to be able to afford one more round of in-vitro…
and my very blunt Mom said to me,
“Maybe it’s not God’s will for you to have a child!”
That shocked me…
I stopped in my tracks thinking about it!!
Then, I knew I believed that it WAS God’s will for me to have a child!
We had a miscarriage before my son,
Lost the other two embryos that were transferred with him,
And had a miscarriage after him!!
Though I wanted all those babies we lost,
I know I’ll see them in Heaven!
Now I direct a Drama Team at church,
And I’m “Drama Mama” to so many kids, teens, and young adults!!
God is so good!!
We each need to ask God the hard questions as you did…
And His answers are the BEST for our lives!
May God richly bless you always!!”
The Birthday Boy Man!!!
That face always makes me smile!!!!
Proverbs 1:8
“Listen, my son,
to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Father and Son!
Proverbs 29:17
“Correct thy son,
and he shall give thee rest;
yea,
he shall give delight unto thy soul.”
My son makes “Mothering” so easy and lots of fun!!
Psalm 127:3
“Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from Him.
Yeah!!
Birthday money to buy stuff!!!
John 16:21
“A woman giving birth to a child
has pain because her time has come;
but when her baby is born
she forgets the anguish
because of her joy
that a child is born into the world.”
We brought our Precious Little Girl…
A chewy treat from Petco on our way home from Outback…
Obviously, she cares more about that treat…
Than taking a Birthday photo with Casey!!
Proverbs 3:1-6
“My son, do not forget My teaching, but keep My commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
It’s so hard to get a good photo of our Crazy Siberian…
‘Cause she’s constantly moving…
That’s why I love landscape photography…
Most things stand still!!
Romans 12:2
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test
and approve what God’s will is—
His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
My two “Babies!”
He always smiles…
She’s smiling…
But she still has the chewy treat in her mouth!
She always thinks we’re going to take it from her!!
What would we want with that yucky chewy???
James 1:17
“Every good and perfect gift
is from above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.”
Psalm 115:14
“May the Lord cause you to flourish,
both you and your children.”
Deuteronomy 4:9
“Only be careful,
and watch yourselves closely
so that you do not forget
the things your eyes have seen
or let them fade from your heart
as long as you live.
Teach them to your children
and to their children after them.”
Jesus I pray…
-Your Word will prevail over our children…
-Your Peace will embrace them…
-They seek Your Wisdom and Understanding …
-They’re quick to obey You…
-They’re Holy in all conduct…
-They hunger and thirst for more of You each day…
-They’re content with what they have…
-They grow in the grace and knowledge of You, Lord…
-They’re clothed with humility…
-They cast their cares upon You, Father, for You care for them…
-They’re doers of the Word, and not hearers only…
-They learn to effectively share their faith…
-They don’t have a spirit of fear…
-But of power, love, and a sound mind…
-You save them…
-You call them with a Holy Calling…
-You provide safety for them, day and night…
-They walk in the Light as You are in the Light…
-You purify their hearts…
-They follow after righteousness, faith, love, and peace.
-They have favor and high esteem with God and man.
Amen!
2 Timothy 2:22-25
“Run from temptations that capture young people.
Always do the right thing.
Be faithful, loving, and easy to get along with.
Worship with people whose hearts are pure.
Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments.
These only lead to trouble,
and God’s servants must not be troublemakers.
They must be kind to everyone,
and they must be good teachers and very patient.
Be humble when you correct people who oppose you.
Maybe God will lead them to turn to Him and learn the truth.”
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